


Things Left Unsaid

by Hemlock22



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Lexa Deserves Better (The 100), Past Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29121522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hemlock22/pseuds/Hemlock22
Summary: In the wake of Lexa's death, there is only one thing that Clarke is absolutely sure of: the legacy of her long lost lover will be peace....A re-imagining of Lexa's death where the couples story is just a little bit brighter
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Things Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so go easy on me. I also wrote this like a solid 3 years ago but maybe someone will still find some comfort in it so here it is. Enjoy :)
> 
> *Translations are at the bottom

Soft footsteps pad lightly over chilled concrete where starlight fails to reach the darkest corners of the room. Soft curtains billow in the gentle evening breeze and the only noise is the even, steady breaths that echo off the walls. The soft glow of a candle radiates an orange glow on pale skin and golden hair. Moonlight cascades over the girl as she steps within the reaches of the light, coming to a pause before sinking to her knees at the window.

Clarke looks down to the sleepy city streets of Polis far beneath her, a small smile gracing her lips at the sight of the tiny lights below, illuminating the streets of the capital. The small flame of the candle on the windowsill flickers and Clarke looks down to her hand. A crimson cloth is folded neatly in her palms, the material torn and weathered, but still managing to hold a velvety quality. Her thumb grazes over the material, the smile falling from her lips at the reminder.

Clarke takes in a tired breath as her eyes soften under the weight of the memories that only she can remember now. But, with each passing day, the pictures behind her eyes become even more faded around the edges as she struggles to remember a face she had once promised herself she’d never forget. Her next breath trembles slightly as she grips the cloth closer to her chest.

“Hey. It’s me.” Her words are lighter than one might have expected, but even a fool could have picked up on the hopelessness behind her tone.

“I went to the schoolyard today. The children have been begging to hear the stories of the great Heda who united the thirteen clans. I wish you could have seen the look on their faces, the pure awe when I told them of the people who fell from the sky and how the commander defeated the Maunon with the help of Wanheda at her side. I know it isn’t quite the truth, but I think I like my version better.” A small smile tugs at the corner of Clarke’s lips as she recounts the children, all leaning forward in anticipation, begging to hear the fate of the hero that brought their clans peace once and for all.

The blonde shifts on the floor to lay her arms on the windowsill and rest her chin over her hands, shifting her thoughts to another matter.

“I talked to Raven today. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other but we managed to cross paths by accident when she was visiting one of the scrap shops in Polis. She didn’t seem the same, more tired I think. Then again, I suppose we’re all getting older.” Clarke’s eyebrows scrunch together in thought before a soft chuckle rumbles past her lips.

“Of all the futures I managed to dream up for myself, this has to be the furthest from any of my expectations.” Clarke pauses as if waiting for someone to ask her to elaborate. But of course, she’s alone and no one asks. She sighs deeper into herself, sulking further into the floor.

“Of all the things I’ve overcome, of all the crap I’ve managed to survive, I would have never thought I’d have the chance of living out the rest of my natural life in peace. It would seem that death has grazed my shoulder one too many times for me to remain on this Earth, but here I am. I survived and now I can live.” A weighted silence falls over the blonde before she begins to laugh quietly to herself again.

“But how lonely it is to have nothing to live for.” She doesn’t try to hide the sorrow behind her words now, letting it seep into her tone like rain over soil. It stays quiet for a long time after that and one might have thought the girl had left until her exhausted sigh weighs down on the space again.

“We fought for peace for so long. Kind of ironic now that I think of it. We started wars in hopes of ending them for good. I suppose it was necessary at the time. But, I still find it confusing." 

“We talked about peace as if it was a miracle, a gift only found on the rarest of occasions. Well, we did it. After so many years of war, we finally have our peace. Funny, it doesn’t comfort me as much as I thought it would." 

“My whole life I’ve been fighting and everything I did, I did to ensure the survival of the human race. But then everything changed. Suddenly, they didn’t need me as the warrior they once looked up to protect them. And suddenly, I had a lot of time to think. For so long I had run on adrenaline, relying on the wall I built to support the lives of thousands. There was never much time to feel, but, when I did, I always regretted it. The people that get too close to me seem to more often than not end up dead. First my father. Then Wells. Charlotte. Finn. Even Anya. The list of names is too long now, I’m afraid I’d be here all night if I were to recite them all. 

“And then there was you. All of a sudden, I didn’t feel so alone anymore because when I looked into your eyes, the same darkness and weight reflected in you. Of course, we were destined to be rivals, two queens on opposing sides of the chess board. We were never meant to become what we did, but I suppose neither of us ever were ones to follow what was written for us."

“I fell in love with the acceptance you held for the darkness but I admired your will to keep it as far away from others as possible, even if came at your expense. Your compassion in a hell that was this Earth drew me to you like I never would have thought possible. And, much to my surprise, a similar pull brought you closer to me." 

“Unlike most of my life, I didn’t need to be anyone special when I was with you, I was simply Clarke. There was an understanding unlike anything I had ever felt before and it scared me. I know it scared you too. But we fell nonetheless, knowing what we had could never last, but unwilling to ever admit it."

“You were my home. You were my peace. I didn’t need the stability or the safety of a normal, consistent life. I didn’t even need the assurance that we would make it to the next day."

“I just needed you.”

Clarke takes a breath and squeezes her eyes shut, gripping the cloth in her hands even tighter.

“I miss you, Lex.” The words fall off her lips in a broken whisper, her tone trembling at the mention of her name. It’s a plea, a hopeless wish cast into the stars. It’s a poem that’s been repeated too many times. 

“I know you said you’d always be with me, but I still can’t help but feel alone. Everyone's gone, they’ve all moved on. Bellamy, Octavia, Monty, Murphy, hell even my mom has made sure she’s as far away from me as she can get. It’s always cold here, I can never quite manage to get warm. And these halls are a constant reminder of the light that used to travel through them, the light that was lost when you left."

“I know I shouldn’t feel alone, and I know that I should stay strong, but-” Clarke tenses and snaps her head toward the entrance of her chambers. She hadn’t even heard her come in.

“Mommy? Is everything okay?” Her high pitched whisper is cautious, it struggles to fight over the volume of the slight breeze blowing through the room. Her tiny, tanned fists are balled up and clutching a blanket to her chest. Her dusty blonde hair billows behind her back, the curls of disentangled braids framing her face. Her eyebrows scrunch together above luminescent, green eyes that are filled with worry for her mother. Her bare feet take a step closer to the woman sitting on the floor, her night robes dragging lightly behind her. 

“Everything is fine, my love. What are you doing still up? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Clarke sniffles and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She smiles at her tiny angel and stands from the floor. 

“I had a bad dream.” her voice trembles and Clarke takes the last few steps to close the distance between her and her child. The blonde crouches before her daughter and takes her cheeks in her palms, letting her thumb swipe over the smooth, tan skin there. 

“Remember what we say about bad dreams, yongon?” The girl nods her head in silent pride and she clutches the blanket harder to her chest, lifting her chin as a sign of independence. 

“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim. Oso gonplei nou ste odon.” Her accent rolls across her tongue, her eyes set into a familiar determination. Her mother’s lips twitch up in the hint of a smile at her daughter's sudden stoicism. Just like her mom.

“Can I talk to nomon too, mommy?” Clarke freezes again at the mention of her, their child pulling on her mom’s sleeve in impatience. Clarke winces and stands from her position on the floor. 

“Not tonight, baby. Another time. It’s late, we should get you back to bed.” her daughter pulls harder on her mother’s sleeve and pouts her lower lip, whining. 

“Beja, mamma. I miss her too.” Clarke sighs and shakes her head in resignation, the toddler's eyes pleading up at her mother. 

“Fine. But straight to bed as soon as we’re finished.” The child forgets her sorrow and skips to the window, dragging her blanket behind her. She pushes her tiny body up onto the windowsill, staring up into the stars as though they’d crafted the universe themselves. She held her hands together and Clarke followed behind her, her hand finding her child's back as she slumped to the floor again. 

“Heya, nomon. Ha yu? I trained with the other natblidas today. Anya says I’m going to be a real gona one day. Maybe, if I train hard enough, I can be Heda, like you. Everyone misses you here, nomon. Mommy cries almost every night. I know she misses you, but I remember what you used to say. Stedaunon don gon we, kikon ste enti. Ste yuj, oso thru daun ogeda. Oso gonplei nou ste odon nowe. You promised you’d always be with me, and ai swega yu klin, I’ll always remember you. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. Ai hod yu in, nomon. Reshop, Heda.” Clarke feels familiar wetness running down her cheek. She has to gulp and take a deep breath to keep the rest of her tears at bay. She rubs the child’s back in a soothing gesture once she’s finished. Her daughter's head had fallen towards the quiet city streets below. 

“She loved you too, you know. So much. She would have given anything to be here with you.” Clarke tries to sound happy, but a thing such as happiness feels too far from accomplishable at the moment. Keeping her eyes down, her daughters whisper rises above the wind. 

“I wish she were still here. Why did the spirits of the commanders have to take her away?” The child is sniffling now, her posture hunched and her blanket having fallen to the floor, abandoned. Clarke doesn’t try to stop the tears from coming now, letting them fall swiftly down her reddened skin. 

“I don’t know, hodnes. But, I do know that when your nomon left, she left her most beautiful treasure behind. And that treasure was you. She would have given anything to keep you safe, and that’s just what she did. She would have wanted you to know that you would never be alone. She left this Earth and gifted you with the power of love. Love is not weakness, strik gona. It’s okay to feel her loss, you don’t have to be strong all the time. Your mothers love you. Otaim.” Clarke didn’t get another word out because all of a sudden, she was wrapped in the warm embrace of her daughter. Wetness stained the cloth of her robes where her child’s face was nuzzled but she couldn’t have cared less. She enveloped the toddler in her arms, pulling her impossibly closer, letting the last of her tears escape her eyes. 

Clarke didn’t think she could ever stop missing Lexa. Even if she wanted to, the memory of their love would never fade. But not all of her love had been lost when the commander died, for their daughter still remained. Today, they would cry and mourn the loss of their beloved. But one day, the two knew that it would all be okay. It had to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:   
> Heda- Commander  
> Mounon- Mountain  
> Wanheda- Commander of Death  
> Yongon- Young one  
> Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim- Get knocked down, get back up again  
> Oso gonplei nou ste odon- Our fight is not over  
> Nomon- Mother  
> Beja- Please  
> Heya- Hello  
> Ha yu?- How are you?  
> Natblidas- Night bloods  
> Gona- Warrior  
> Stedaunon don gon we, kikon ste enti- The dead are gone, the living are hungry  
> Ste yuj, oso thru daun ogeda- Stay strong, we fight together  
> Oso gonplei nou ste odon nowe- Our fight is never over  
> Ai swega yu klin- I promise  
> Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim- May we meet again  
> Ai hod yu in- I love you  
> Reshop- Goodnight  
> Hodnes- Love  
> Strik gona- Little warrior  
> Otaim- Always


End file.
